So, I haven't written in a while, a long while, as all you who follow me have realized (crickets, crickets). But a lot has happened, good and bad, and I have a lot to be thankful for, so I'm going to make a list and go from there.
I am thankful for disappointed hope - one specifically, that should it have panned out, I would have missed out on another grand blessing: one that was a source of joy amidst some darkness.
On that note, I am thankful for EMMA. I was so surprised that I should even be considered for the part, but I know the material well and had a sense of what was at her heart. All that contributed to a good audition, and ultimately, I think, God planned for me to play her. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant. I honestly doubted myself many, many times. But, I cannot tell you how much it meant to me to play her night after night, and what joy and satisfaction it brought me as an actor. It stired my passion for acting in a way that I have been missing for a while. By the end of the run I thought, "I can do this!" and not only that but "This is what I want to do." I feel like now, finally, I am at a place in my skill level as an actress that I am confident that I can be competitive. I haven't felt that way till now. EMMA gave me so many reasons to be thankful. I am thankful for every person who made that show what it was, and for each cast member who continued to work and grow with me throughout the run.
I am thankful for my Gramma Cooksey. She went to be with Jesus the morning of July 9th, the day after opening night of EMMA. I am thankful God took her when He did, not a moment too soon or too late. I am thankful I was able to go home and help my family and attend the funeral. I am thankful for all her prayers for me, the example she lived, and the love that she gave me and all her family members. I am thankful that I will see her again restored and whole in heaven. I am thankful for her.
I can think of several other immediate items I'm thankful for, but as I hope this post is the beginning of my blogging again, I will save them for another day.
Thank you for reading, whoever you are. I hope you are blessed today.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
the promise of beauty
Okay, so this still isn't a weekly blog... Oh well.
I bought fresh mozzarella today for the first time! I've been intimidated by it before, but today, today, there was a coupon at HEB. I could buy cherry tomatoes, which I love and will eat anyway, and get the mozzarella free! So I did, and had the tomatoes and mozzarella tonight with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, and cracked pepper. Yum!
This shopping trip was on my dinner break between office and rehearsal - somehow an extra day on a weekend doesn't mean more time. I started rehearsal tonight for Emma, which is very exciting and also a lot of pressure, since I'm supposed to play the heroine herself. I think the first rehearsal went well. At this point in my career at the Players, I know all the actors pretty well, having played with all of them before, and it's nice to have that level of comfort and commitment from fellow actors right from the start.
Rehearsal ended, and as Hannah and I were driving home on Westheimer, I took a closer look at a sign on a now empty building in Highland Village shopping center. There was a new classy construction barrier in black wrapped around the front. At first I wondered if it was somehow tied to Restoration Hardware going in just across the parking lot because of it's similar color and font style. And then I saw the lettering a little closer, BHLDN, and it clicked: Anthropologie's new wedding line! Yes! Their new wedding dress line that unveiled in February was going into Highland Village!
Hannah can bear witness to all the excitement and shrill noises that ensued as I grabbed her hand and shrieked. I'm not exactly sure why I'm so excited. I don't have a wedding coming up. I don't have a friend's wedding coming up. I'm not even exactly sure that the style of the dresses I've seen so far fit my style. But, they are beautiful. Really beautiful. The whole existing Anthropologie shop a few doors down is beautiful, and BHLDN is sure to be even more beautiful.
Beauty thrills my soul like few other things. I think God meant it that way. Those things that are beautiful draw us in and nourish a part of us that sometimes we didn't know was starving. I find beauty in many things: music, nature, children, the written word, a tender hearted woman, a strong protective man.
In all these things, we can see a reflection of God: who He is, what He loves, and what He intended this world to be. It also gives us a glimpse of our future with Him. The beauty here on earth must pale in comparison to being in His presence. I'm so glad to have His promise of someday being there with Him.
We've been going through a sermon series on death the past couple of Sundays, and the pastor said a phrase that has stuck with me this week. "Look for the promise after the storm." Like Noah, look for the rainbow, the beauty that is God's promise. He is with us. He will never leave us or forsake us.
I am thankful for the promises of God - for the beauty that speaks of His love for us, whether it be mozzarella, a wedding dress, or a rainbow.
I bought fresh mozzarella today for the first time! I've been intimidated by it before, but today, today, there was a coupon at HEB. I could buy cherry tomatoes, which I love and will eat anyway, and get the mozzarella free! So I did, and had the tomatoes and mozzarella tonight with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, and cracked pepper. Yum!
This shopping trip was on my dinner break between office and rehearsal - somehow an extra day on a weekend doesn't mean more time. I started rehearsal tonight for Emma, which is very exciting and also a lot of pressure, since I'm supposed to play the heroine herself. I think the first rehearsal went well. At this point in my career at the Players, I know all the actors pretty well, having played with all of them before, and it's nice to have that level of comfort and commitment from fellow actors right from the start.
Rehearsal ended, and as Hannah and I were driving home on Westheimer, I took a closer look at a sign on a now empty building in Highland Village shopping center. There was a new classy construction barrier in black wrapped around the front. At first I wondered if it was somehow tied to Restoration Hardware going in just across the parking lot because of it's similar color and font style. And then I saw the lettering a little closer, BHLDN, and it clicked: Anthropologie's new wedding line! Yes! Their new wedding dress line that unveiled in February was going into Highland Village!
Hannah can bear witness to all the excitement and shrill noises that ensued as I grabbed her hand and shrieked. I'm not exactly sure why I'm so excited. I don't have a wedding coming up. I don't have a friend's wedding coming up. I'm not even exactly sure that the style of the dresses I've seen so far fit my style. But, they are beautiful. Really beautiful. The whole existing Anthropologie shop a few doors down is beautiful, and BHLDN is sure to be even more beautiful.
Beauty thrills my soul like few other things. I think God meant it that way. Those things that are beautiful draw us in and nourish a part of us that sometimes we didn't know was starving. I find beauty in many things: music, nature, children, the written word, a tender hearted woman, a strong protective man.
In all these things, we can see a reflection of God: who He is, what He loves, and what He intended this world to be. It also gives us a glimpse of our future with Him. The beauty here on earth must pale in comparison to being in His presence. I'm so glad to have His promise of someday being there with Him.
We've been going through a sermon series on death the past couple of Sundays, and the pastor said a phrase that has stuck with me this week. "Look for the promise after the storm." Like Noah, look for the rainbow, the beauty that is God's promise. He is with us. He will never leave us or forsake us.
I am thankful for the promises of God - for the beauty that speaks of His love for us, whether it be mozzarella, a wedding dress, or a rainbow.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
living the not now
Okay, so it's been far too long since my last post. I meant for this to be a once a week at least blog, but it's turned into a once a month and that just won't do.
I've had many things to be thankful for and several blog topics to post about, but I just haven't sat down to write. I've let intimidation get the best of me. I didn't feel that a short, three sentence paragraph was sufficient and haven't wanted to make myself write more than that.
The two posts I'm been ruminating on this week are "living the not now" and one on Mother's day and my mom, heretofore untitled. Hopefully I'll post that next week.
"Living the not now" came about as I was listening to a radio broadcast of a sermon on prayer, and crystallized when I read a devotional about thankfulness in prayer. I, as many others, am still waiting on answers to several specific long term prayers and am in the midst of some "not now" answers. What caught me about the devotional's response to unfulfilled prayer requests, was the idea of prayer becoming frustrating. We ask and ask and ask, and don't receive what we ask for, and so we lose heart, become frustrated and if we aren't careful, bitter.
Now, God doesn't promise to give us just anything we ask for. The Bible gives us some parameters on that which would take too long to go into here. But what do we do when we are praying Biblically, persistently, and are in the "not now?" How do we keep from being frustrated and bitter? Thankfulness.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thankfulness present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
I usually thank God for what He's already given me in prayer and for who He is, but I never thought before to thank Him supplying the answer. We have His promise that He hears and responds to His children, that He gives us good gifts, so we should thank Him in advance of our seeing the answer for His provision. Really, it's praying in faith.
Praying with thankfulness refocuses my attention where it should be, on God and His character. Then I am free to go about my day, knowing that God has heard me, and, in His good and perfect time, will supply the things I've asked for. My faith is put into action.
Thank you God for hearing and answering my prayers, each one. Help me to put my faith and trust in Your timing and be patient until their fulfillment. Amen.
I've had many things to be thankful for and several blog topics to post about, but I just haven't sat down to write. I've let intimidation get the best of me. I didn't feel that a short, three sentence paragraph was sufficient and haven't wanted to make myself write more than that.
The two posts I'm been ruminating on this week are "living the not now" and one on Mother's day and my mom, heretofore untitled. Hopefully I'll post that next week.
"Living the not now" came about as I was listening to a radio broadcast of a sermon on prayer, and crystallized when I read a devotional about thankfulness in prayer. I, as many others, am still waiting on answers to several specific long term prayers and am in the midst of some "not now" answers. What caught me about the devotional's response to unfulfilled prayer requests, was the idea of prayer becoming frustrating. We ask and ask and ask, and don't receive what we ask for, and so we lose heart, become frustrated and if we aren't careful, bitter.
Now, God doesn't promise to give us just anything we ask for. The Bible gives us some parameters on that which would take too long to go into here. But what do we do when we are praying Biblically, persistently, and are in the "not now?" How do we keep from being frustrated and bitter? Thankfulness.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thankfulness present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
I usually thank God for what He's already given me in prayer and for who He is, but I never thought before to thank Him supplying the answer. We have His promise that He hears and responds to His children, that He gives us good gifts, so we should thank Him in advance of our seeing the answer for His provision. Really, it's praying in faith.
Praying with thankfulness refocuses my attention where it should be, on God and His character. Then I am free to go about my day, knowing that God has heard me, and, in His good and perfect time, will supply the things I've asked for. My faith is put into action.
Thank you God for hearing and answering my prayers, each one. Help me to put my faith and trust in Your timing and be patient until their fulfillment. Amen.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
thankful for time well spent
Last week I was able to go visit family in Oklahoma. The trip was rather unexpected and last minute, and I felt strange about it. I don't usually make major plans like that so quickly. But, while looking at my schedule for the next six months, it suddenly dawned on me that my current two week break between shows would likely be my only opportunity of visiting family till September. So I arranged things with work and family and bought my plane tickets on Thursday for a flight that Sunday, three days later.
Later that evening I was commenting to friends about how strange the trip seemed and asked for prayer that I would make the most of this time, whatever it was supposed to be. Then my phone rang. My dad was calling to tell me that my gramma had had a stroke and was on her way to the hospital. Suddenly my trip took on a whole new importance. I'm was and still am amazed by how God had arranged events. Before booking the flight, I briefly had a thought of canceling the whole thing - "It's too unplanned, too lastminute - I don't know what I'm doing." But I went ahead with the trip and asked God to help me make the most of it.
Now, praise God, my gramma has recovered, many would say, miraculously. When the stroke first happened, she couldn't speak and couldn't use her right side. On the day I left Oklahoma, she was being discharged from the hospital. She can hold a conversation, though she can't always think of how to say what she means. She can feed herself and has regained the use of her right side. I'm so so thankful that I got to spend good time with her while I was home. She'll be celebrating her 95 birthday later this month. I'm not sure I will have another opportunity to see her before she goes to be with Jesus. But I know I will see her again someday, when I leave this world as well, and that gives me great comfort.
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. Psalm 103
Later that evening I was commenting to friends about how strange the trip seemed and asked for prayer that I would make the most of this time, whatever it was supposed to be. Then my phone rang. My dad was calling to tell me that my gramma had had a stroke and was on her way to the hospital. Suddenly my trip took on a whole new importance. I'm was and still am amazed by how God had arranged events. Before booking the flight, I briefly had a thought of canceling the whole thing - "It's too unplanned, too lastminute - I don't know what I'm doing." But I went ahead with the trip and asked God to help me make the most of it.
Now, praise God, my gramma has recovered, many would say, miraculously. When the stroke first happened, she couldn't speak and couldn't use her right side. On the day I left Oklahoma, she was being discharged from the hospital. She can hold a conversation, though she can't always think of how to say what she means. She can feed herself and has regained the use of her right side. I'm so so thankful that I got to spend good time with her while I was home. She'll be celebrating her 95 birthday later this month. I'm not sure I will have another opportunity to see her before she goes to be with Jesus. But I know I will see her again someday, when I leave this world as well, and that gives me great comfort.
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. Psalm 103
Thursday, April 7, 2011
the word of God
Short post tonight. I am thankful for the word of God; for the wealth of encouragement and exhortation it contains and that it still impacts people today, thousands of years after the last word was written. The Bible truly is living and active, and useful for us today. I'm finding more and more how wonderful it is to read large portions of it. So much of what people quote from it is misused because they haven't taken the time to read the context surrounding it. My understanding of several verses I've grown up quoting has changed, because I read what was written before and after the verse I memorized. I'm excited to read the Bible, thanks to God!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
the very best "good man"
“When we stop believing that good men exist, we lose the desire to be good women.” - Lauren Nicole Love, A Good Woman’s Guide to the 21st Century
A friend shared this article on Facebook a couple of days ago, and I think based on his comments, mine, and another friend’s, we each took something slightly different away from it. The article was largely about what good men are willing to do for good women - that good women inspire men to be better but conversely that good men do the same for women. I don’t want to rehash the whole article here; you would be much better off reading it for yourself, so I’ve included a link at the bottom.
However, it did get me to thinking further down the lines of what I hear God speaking to me right now, and where I’m trying to put my focus: on Jesus Christ and His love for me. He was and is the very best “good man” and I am made good because of Him. His love is what inspires me to be better than I am: He laid down His life for me. Me, just as I am.
The lie I often hear, which I can scarcely give voice to for fear it might be true, is that good men won’t/don’t want me, and that I’m not good enough to deserve a godly man. I know all my failings despite what people may see on the outside, and I fear that I’ll never get my act cleaned up enough to deserve a Bible reading, praying, courageous man of God. Now, I also know that no one is perfect, that godly men aren’t perfect, and that I’m not a horrible person, but still, I have allowed that lie to sit inside me.
The truth is that I am one of God’s master works, created to do the good things He planned ahead for me - long before I ever took my first step of faith. That I reflect a unique part of God’s heart, and that “in the same way you would die to be an incredible woman, there are men that would die to be incredible for you.” I know one of them, the best one of them, Jesus, and He’s calling me to be my best for Him. So, I’m focusing, for as long as I hear that call inside me, on Christ and His love for me, so that in knowing this love, I will be empowered to live courageously for Him.
I’m praying Ephesians 3:16-19, ESV
16that according to(B) the riches of his glory(C) he may grant (me) to be strengthened with power through his Spirit(D) in (my) inner being, 17(E) so that Christ may dwell in (my) heart through faith—that (I), being(F) rooted and(G) grounded in love, 18may have strength to(H) comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and(I) height and depth, 19and to know the love of Christ(J) that surpasses knowledge, that(K) (I) may be filled with all(L) the fullness of God.
I am thankful to God for His love for me in Christ Jesus.
“O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.”
- George Matheson
http://makeitmad.com/2011/02/16/a-good-womans-guide-to-the-21st-century/
why we need birthdays
Crazy couple of weeks. I know four people who have been in or are still in the hospital. In comparison my being in the midst of getting a show to opening night tonight is a small thing. Still, lots of emotions going on under the surface. And, as I learned this week, my stress reaction is to be emotional, not really a good thing. At least it doesn’t feel that way.
I turned 28 on Tuesday. It’s as old as I’ve ever felt before, which may not sound like much. After all, don’t we all feel older each year? But, there’s an added gravity to 28 that there wasn’t at 27. I think I’m feeling how close I am to 30 and actually contemplating the age that sends many people into some sort of life crisis. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do much birthday celebrating, because of being in the show, but it turned out I didn’t really get to do any. Meetings, rehearsals, and other commitments, some of which were actually very positive in themselves, took up time and there wasn’t any left over just for me.
Nonetheless, I’m so grateful for all the friends and family who took the time to let me know that my birthday was important, that I was important, even if we didn’t get to celebrate. Perhaps that is why we need birthdays; it’s a day to say, “yes, I’m glad you’re alive and in my life.” We all need that from time to time.
I’m still waiting on a lot of things in my life, and will probably always be waiting for something, for the next thing. The challenge is to not grow weary in the waiting, to keep walking forward with focus and purpose, and to tell the people around me that they matter; that I’m glad they’re alive and in my life.
I am thankful to God for my friends and family walking with me. I am thankful that we do matter to God and to each other, and that He’s given us the power to make a difference to someone next to us. Life is full of difference making moments. Let’s not miss them.
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